Identifying the Traits of a Toxic Person

“Toxicity” has become a buzzword in our modern society. Unfortunately, many people misuse this phrase, which minimizes the impact that truly toxic people have on those around them.

A single disagreement with another person doesn’t mean that you or the other person are toxic. Conflict, at least to a certain degree, is normal in any relationship.

However, you may be dealing with someone who seems to bring nothing but conflict into your life. Dealing with toxic people consistently not only affects your mental health, but if the toxicity is ignored for a long enough time, you may even start noticing some physical side effects.

When determining whether or not someone is a toxic presence in your life, it’s crucial to understand some toxic characteristics to look for.

While being toxic is not classified as a mental health issue, meaning that it’s not possible to truly diagnose someone as toxic, everyone should know the traits of a toxic person to look out for.

Before we start diving into the attributes of a toxic person, it’s important to spend some time on self-reflection.

While it may be hard to admit, you may find that some of these traits apply to you. If so, start making some necessary changes so you’re not a toxic presence in someone else’s life.

Constant Negativity

As humans, we’re all prone to having highs and lows. Everyone faces things in their lives that leave them feeling jaded and negative from time to time.

It’s not good for anyone’s mental health to pretend that everything is always perfect and that life is always great. Ups and downs are a part of living, and it’s crucial that people process those bad times as much as they enjoy the good times.

However, if someone in your life is constantly negative, they may have one of the most prominent traits of a toxic person. Some people cannot be happy, no matter how good things are going for themselves or those around them.

These individuals could get wonderful news, but will immediately find a way to shift their focus, and the focus of those around them, to how bad something else has been going.

Inconsistent Words and Behaviors

Is there someone in your life that you feel like you’re “walking on eggshells” around? If so, that individual may be toxic.

As we just discussed, having ups and downs is a natural part of living. There are days when you just wake up feeling like your mood isn’t quite where you want it to be. Everyone around you should also be allowed to have days where they’re not feeling all that chipper or happy.

However, toxic people tend to be incredibly inconsistent with their moods. Everyone around them ends up feeling like they don’t know what version of that person they’re going to deal with from one moment to the next.

Show people around you some grace when they’re having a bad day, but don’t put yourself in a position that requires you to constantly guess how they’re going to respond to you.

They’re Overly Competitive

Again, this trait of a toxic person comes with a bit of a caveat. When we use the term “competitive,” we’re not talking about people you may play games with. Instead, this characteristic of a toxic person is more about jealousy.

However, they often act like they’re in some sort of competition with you, even if you’re not aware of it.

If you buy a new car, a toxic person may rush out to purchase a nicer vehicle. If you move into a new home, a toxic person may have to find a way to one-up your big moment. This isn’t limited to major purchases, either.

Some toxic people even try to rush out and buy nicer clothes than those around them. If there’s someone in your life who seems to always be looking for ways to get ahead of you, they’re displaying some traits of a toxic person.

Constant Drama

Is there someone in your life who always has some sort of huge, dramatic situation that they’re dealing with?

No matter how many people like to say that they hate drama, toxic people actually thrive on it. They have an insatiable urge to be in conflict with other people.

Healthy conflict is part of every relationship. However, when someone is constantly embroiled in some sort of battle with someone else, they’re probably toxic.

This is largely because toxic people constantly feel like they’re being victimized. Everyone around them is wrong and mistreats them, no matter how much of the drama they’re responsible for.

Crossing Boundaries

Healthy relationships are built on clear, well-defined boundaries. Take a moment and think about your closest friends.

The people who love you the most and know you the most intimately understand your boundaries, and they respect those boundaries. If you don’t like going out to a noisy nightclub, your closest friends won’t pressure you into going somewhere that they like knowing that you hate it.

This doesn’t mean that they also avoid those places, but it does mean you’re not pressured into doing things you don’t like.

Toxic people don’t care about your boundaries because the only person they truly care about is themselves. When you set boundaries, toxic people will usually push them as far as they can to see what they can get away with when it comes to their relationship with you.

They Manipulate People

If you haven’t noticed, most toxic people care about getting what they want when they want it, and they don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how many people may be hurt by their words or actions.

When you think of being manipulated, you may think of being lied to. While that’s certainly a form of manipulation, it’s far from the only tool that toxic people use to further their agendas.

For instance, a toxic person may exaggerate something going on in their lives in order to gain your sympathy.

When telling you about something that they’re dealing with, they may leave out important parts of the story that paint them in an unfavorable light. Toxic people are manipulative, and manipulative people are toxic.

The Need for Attention

Toxic people also struggle to see anyone else in the spotlight. With this in mind, they look for ways to be the center of attention, even when they should be celebrating someone else’s accomplishments.

There are far too many examples of this to possibly go into, but think about the people in your life who you celebrate your greatest moments with. Now, ask yourself if there’s anyone in that group who finds a way to get the spotlight away from you and onto them.

Toxic people crave attention and affirmation from those around them at all times. If there’s someone you know who can never be happy for someone else, they are exhibiting toxic traits.

Failure to Accept Responsibility

Finally, toxic people cannot take responsibility for their own failures. Everything that goes wrong in the life of a toxic person is someone else’s fault.

If they lose a job, it’s because the boss hated them or a coworker lied about them. They refuse to acknowledge that they were constantly late for work and didn’t perform when they were there.

It’s also normal for toxic people to blame relationship problems on the other party. For instance, if their romantic relationship fails, they may portray the other person as some sort of vile individual who mistreated them, even if that’s not the case.

If a friend severs ties with them, it’s because the former friend was problematic and self-centered. Toxic people constantly blame someone else, regardless of how much blame they should shoulder.

Know These Toxic Traits

Severing ties with toxic people isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most important steps that you can take for yourself.

Knowing how to identify the traits of a toxic person can help you carefully choose the people who make up your inner-circle and protect your mental health.