Most Common Reasons Couples Are Filing for Divorce

No one gets married with filing for divorce in mind. When you’re standing in front of your friends and family members, pledging your life-long love to the person standing across from you, the idea of filling out paperwork, dividing assets, and moving on with your life is the last thing on your mind.

Unfortunately, divorce is a reality for millions of people every year.

However, it’s not quite as prevalent as you may have heard. You’ve probably heard or read about the divorce rate being higher than 50%. That’s not necessarily true.

That statistic, which has been thrown around for decades, is based on a study that was conducted in the 1970s.

Today, the divorce rate is lower than 50%, at least for first marriages. Based on studies, second marriages end in divorce around 60% of the time, while third marriages typically end in divorce around 70% of the time.

While we know that divorce isn’t quite as common as you may have been led to believe, it’s still a good idea to learn more about why so many marriages end. Even though less than half of marriages end in divorce, there are still some common causes of divorce that you can take steps to avoid in your marriage.

Excessive Conflict

One of the most common causes of divorce is constant conflict. When you’re dating or engaged, it’s easy to slide conflict to the side, sweep disagreements under the rug, and return to your neutral corners.

When you’re married, that’s not always a possibility. Even if you cohabitate with your spouse before your marriage, married arguments are different than dating arguments.

Marriage adds stress to a relationship since every decision you make directly impacts your partner while all of their decisions affect you.

Over time, it’s easy to let issues that seem small build up which typically culminates in a big fight over something that doesn’t deserve that much attention.

Your home is supposed to be a sanctuary for you and your spouse, but if it becomes a place of constant conflict and arguing, your marriage is on thin ice. Work on healthy conflict resolution skills so that your home doesn’t become a battleground.

Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most common reasons for divorce and is especially troubling because it only takes one partner to destroy a marriage that both spouses have worked to build. There certainly are examples of couples who have overcome infidelity, but according to marital experts, that’s rarely the case.

Infidelity is also a major threat to marriages because it often starts as something that doesn’t seem so severe. A lingering look at a coworker or a conversation with an old friend about the state of your marriage can open the door for something more damaging to your marriage.

There are also different types of infidelity.

While many people think of a cheating spouse as someone who does something physical with an outside party, emotional infidelity is also a common reason for divorce. This becomes even more impactful if the emotional infidelity leads to something physical.

Lack of Commitment

Many people assume that a lack of commitment is the same thing as infidelity, but that’s not the case. Infidelity is often the end result of a lack of commitment, but it’s possible for one spouse to become less committed to the marriage without cheating.

Being committed to the marriage is about more than being committed to your spouse. It involves being committed to carrying your share of the load.

It’s about being committed to being on the same page when it comes to finances, a topic that we’ll talk about more in a moment. Commitment to your marriage means that you’re willing to work through the tough times to keep your marriage on the right track.

When one spouse becomes less committed to the marriage, the other partner sometimes assumes that if they try harder, they can salvage things.

Unfortunately, this is rarely the case. While you may have heard it said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership, that’s not true. Instead, it requires both spouses to bring 100% of their effort and commitment to the table every day.

Money Problems

Financial stress is one of the most common reasons that people get divorced. That shouldn’t come as a surprise, as more than 80% of people acknowledge that they’re always under some sort of financial stress.

Before you got married, you may have not worried as much about money. Perhaps you lived with your parents before your marriage, and while you were responsible for paying for some things, marriage puts you in a position where you and your spouse must pay for everything.

One of the most difficult aspects of managing money in your marriage is learning how to communicate about it. This is usually aided by getting on the same page financially before your wedding.

When one partner comes into the marriage with a history of frugality while the other has enjoyed years of frivolous spending, it’s likely that they’ll experience some problems.

Arguments about money have the potential to turn into nasty, vindictive fights that bring a lot of suppressed feelings to the surface. With this in mind, it’s a good idea to have some difficult conversations about money before your marriage and agree to a budget that you’ll follow going forward.

Domestic Violence

Another common reason as to why people get divorced is domestic violence.

While statistics show that women are usually the victims in these violent situations, it’s important to note that men can be victims of domestic violence, too. Domestic abuse is often physical, but there are other types of abuse such as financial, emotional, and mental.

The marriages that don’t end because of domestic violence are often the result of one spouse believing that they do not have a safe way to escape. If you or someone you know is dealing with an abusive marriage, there are resources available.

For 24/7 confidential help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

Opposing Values and Morals

Ideally, this is the kind of thing that gets addressed before the marriage. However, even if you and your spouse talk about your morals and values before your marriage, it’s possible that they’ll change over time.

It’s also important to understand that these terms don’t only apply to political allegiances, which have been shown to be a leading cause of divorce in recent years.

It’s more common than you may think for people who have different morals and values to fall in love. It’s possible for them to make it work for a while, but what happens when children enter the picture?

Whose values become the guiding force in the child’s development? These issues are what threaten to tear the marriage apart.

Over time, if both spouses have opposing views on important topics, it becomes more and more difficult to make things work, especially when arguments start to become more frequent.

In order for marriages to work while the spouses have opposing views on some hot-button topics, both parties must be willing to see things from the other person’s point of view when having hard conversations.

Addiction

Addiction is one of the hardest concepts to understand because there are so many different types and degrees.

Additionally, addiction doesn’t discriminate based on race, sex, or socioeconomic status. The one constant about addiction is its ability to undermine and destroy a marriage, especially in its most intense forms.

Addiction to alcohol, drugs, sex, pornography, gambling, and other potentially dangerous behaviors has the ability to destroy a marriage. This is because addiction typically becomes the most important thing in the person struggling with addiction’s life. Moreover, addiction has the potential to devolve into some of the other issues that have been discussed here today.

For instance, addiction typically results in financial problems, which adds to the stress of the marriage. These financial problems often result in heated arguments.

Addiction can also lead to domestic abuse, infidelity, and any other number of problems.

Avoid Filing For Divorce

If you’re in the middle of planning your wedding, have some conversations with your fiancé to cover these topics and anything else that you believe could threaten your marriage.

If you are already married and are dealing with most of these issues, it’s a good idea to work with a licensed marriage and family counselor to try to work through the differences.

Your marriage can last a lifetime, but it takes both partners committing to bringing the best version of themselves to the table every day.