5 Conversations to Have Before Your Wedding

Getting married is among the most exciting times in anyone’s life. Once you’ve found the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, it’s easy to focus on all of the great things that wait for you in the future.

However, if you’re planning on getting married this spring or summer, there are some conversations that you need to have with your future spouse.

Having the right pre-marriage conversations can ensure that you and your soon-to-be spouse are on the same page about some of the most important topics that you’re going to run into in your new union.

If you haven’t had these conversations yet, it’s a good idea to sit down and talk about some major topics, especially if your big day is coming up.

Financial Goals and Money Management

Disagreements about money are among the leading causes of divorce, especially in new marriages. While people have long claimed that “opposites attract,” that can open a proverbial can of worms when it comes to money in your marriage.

For instance, if one partner likes to spend frivolously while the other is committed to saving money for retirement and other future events, you’re probably going to have a lot of arguments.

Money causes a lot of stress for single people, so when two people, each of whom has their own beliefs about money, come together, it’s easy to let those problems destroy your marriage.

Sit down with your future spouse and talk about how you want to approach your financial future together. Even if you haven’t merged your finances yet, talk about how you want to approach budgeting, savings, and entertainment money.

Family and Future Children

It’s also important to have some pre-marriage conversations about your plans for children and how you’ll grow your family. Contrary to what you may have heard, it’s completely acceptable to not want to become parents.

In fact, studies indicate that more couples who get married before they turn 30 go into their marriage with no expectation of having children.

However, this is another topic that you’ll need to make sure you’re both on the same page about. Do you both want to have children? If so, how many years do you want to wait before you start trying to have children? How many kids do you want? These are all important questions to go over.

Additionally, you should discuss how you want to handle your relationships with your extended families. While your marriage is between you and your spouse, both of you become part of new families when you’re married.

How do you plan on juggling holidays? What sort of boundaries do you want to set with both sides of your family? Establish these rules before you have to make a decision to avoid heated arguments.

Conflict Resolution and Communication Styles

If you’re considering getting married this spring or summer, you’ve probably been with your future spouse long enough to have gone through some disagreements.

However, disagreements while dating are not the same as disagreements during marriage. Establish some ground rules that will govern how you’re going to handle disagreements as a married couple.

It's also important to understand that conflict is not inherently bad. Conflict allows you and your future spouse to develop healthy communication patterns. Speaking of those patterns, have some discussions about how they’ll work in your marriage.

Do you need time to collect your thoughts and cool off before having a conversation about a conflict that you’ve encountered? Does your partner need to resolve conflict immediately? Identify your communication patterns and establish how you want to handle conflict in your marriage.

Establishing Work-Life Balance

In today’s economy, it’s incredibly likely that you and your new spouse will both need to have gainful employment. With that in mind, you should have some conversations about your career goals and how you plan to establish some work-life balance.

Earlier, we discussed how money-related stress can create conflict in your marriage. With this in mind, one or both of you may assume that working all the time is the answer to your problems.

Work-life balance is important at every stage of life, but it’s especially important for newlyweds. This means that you’ll both need to establish how much of your time is going to be devoted to your careers.

Do you both want to go above and beyond at work while pursuing a promotion? Does one of you want to be career-oriented while the other just believes that work is a small part of life? Determine your expectations for each other before the wedding to avoid work-related conflict.

Also, have some conversations about whether you’re going to relocate for work if an opportunity presents itself.

For instance, if your spouse’s company has offices around the globe, are you willing to relocate if they’re offered a promotion on the other side of the country? Decide those things today to avoid placing undue stress on your marriage later.

In-Home Responsibilities

Finally, have some conversations about what the expectations are going to be for responsibilities in your home. Whether you’ve both lived on your own or you’re moving out of your parents’ homes and into a house with your new spouse, the two of you are going to be responsible for everything from lawn care to laundry.

How do you want to divide those responsibilities? Determine how you want to approach household responsibilities to ensure that neither of you becomes burnt out or feels underappreciated.

Don't Be Afraid of the Talk

Getting married is an exciting time in your life. By having these conversations before you say, “I do,” you can reduce the likelihood of fighting about some of the topics that often lead to divorce.